


as the asphodel blooms

by orphan_account



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, i guess, love you (mwah), this is for you soy sauce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8471194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: This is for the lovely Roma! I was forced to write this for food and hourglasses. I'm sorry, soy sauce.Another note! Any criticism is welcome, I'm totally here for it! Help a girl out, yeah? ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the lovely Roma! I was forced to write this for food and hourglasses. I'm sorry, soy sauce.
> 
> Another note! Any criticism is welcome, I'm totally here for it! Help a girl out, yeah? ;)

It's been some time since he's been himself.

The others have been worried, he  _knows_ that, but what he also knows is that the Yoosung that fawned over LOLOL and was sweet and kind on the chats is only one part of him. He's seen the way that Seven changes, funny and chatty over text, yet distant in real life. It makes him think if he really knows his friends,  _but of course he does_ , he's known them for what seems like forever. But, he wonders, does he know himself?

★

She's intriguing, to say the least. Or, at least, he  _thinks_ she's intriguing. He heard the word from Jumin.

He's never met someone so kind, so  _gentle_ in her understanding of their broken family. It's like she already belongs, and that makes him unrecoverably jealous.

When he first joined the organization, it had been because of Rika. The others had banded together in an almost truce, and joining felt like he was rocking an already unstable boat. They hadn't liked him at first, especially Jumin, who was at odds at his "strange" personality and bubbly smiles. Sometimes, he would go home and talk to Rika for hours, asking questions late into the night so he wouldn't have to think about how horrible that day had been.

It had been hard for him, at the very least.

But now that  _she's_ joined, he has to think about how she might feel if he were to act the same as the others had when he'd joined.

Part of him thinks that it's unfair, because if he wasn't treated well,  _why should_ she,but he sees the reason behind it.

So he's kind, he acts as if he really cares for her, he does all the right things he should be doing without complaint, but the strange thing is, after a while, he really begins to trust her.

It starts with him calling her in the dead of night.

"Yoosung," she asks him worriedly, "are you okay?"

"Yes," he says, but his heart feels like it's burning and his hands are sticky.

"Is there something that you need to talk about?" Oh, how  _ironic_ that she knows exactly what to say to him.

"Yes," he croaks out. His lips are sandpaper, rubbing together. He blows out a shaky exhale. "I'm worried."

"About what?"

"I don't know," he replies, "but something is going to happen, _I can feel it_."

"I'll let Seven know, right?"

"Just," he swallows thickly, "be careful, yeah?"

"Yoosung?"

"Goodnight." And then he's pressing this phone off and shivering with this new feeling that echoes through his bones.  _I"m calm, breathe,_ he chants, voice hollow as it ricochets around his head. He needs something to take his mind off the butterflies, but no matter how many mantras he recites, he still feels like he's swallowed a balloon filled with helium.

He's never felt this before, but instead of panicking, he forces himself to think. When he meets a new person, he's shy, and that's _all this is._ He's not sure why, or how she's decided that he's the one that's the most trustworthy, but he won't lie to himself. He _does_  like it, but he still feels like he's not deserving of her care. 

He doesn't sleep well that night. Or, for that matter, any night afterwards.

★

It's some time after he meets her that he learns that he finds her voice calming.

It reminds him of a summer breeze, whisking through his hair, and it makes him want to be the "chat Yoosung" all the time. He loves laughing with her, admiring the way her hair brushes against her face, how her eyes are so clear and kind.

He'll try to deny it, but he knows. He's falling, and he's falling in deep.

★

Yoosung has never been in love, or at least, that's what Zen decides.

Zen says that love is a  _feeling_ , like a bolt of lightning has rooted you to the spot and you can't feel anything but it.

He's not sure if he's joking, but he thinks that his description is _ridiculous_.

Zen is wrong, he thinks, because all those feelings mean friendship, real friendship. He's in denial, sure, but it's sweet and sincere, nothing like the love he hears so much about. Heartbreak, pain, _rejection_ is all he's heard, and to be honest, he's not sure if he's willing to go through all of that just for someone who may not even care about him. No, he's better being sheltered and enclosed; he's safe here. He tells Zen that he knows that he's lying, but he just laughs.

"Yoosung, how would you know?"

He wants to tell him that it's because he feels the same way when  _she's_ around, and they're friends, that's all. He wants to tell him that Zen is trying to make his life more complicated by pushing love into the equation, but instead he says, "I just do."

Doubt is bittersweet, yet it feels like it's wrapped it's way around his heart and squeezed until he can't breathe. He wonders if denial really  _is_ better than love. But no, it is. He's read enough books, enough stories, to know when someone is in too deep. And that's where he is now, stranded thigh deep in water, struggling to push his way out.

★

Ever since she's joined, things have been _off_ , in a way.

Seven's been acting more kind, allowing the other members to care for him. Zen's becoming less narcissistic, and Jaehee's cold exterior is falling away to reveal a kind woman who cares for them more than she does herself. Even Jumin has been taking people's feelings into consideration, which comes as so much of a surprise to Yoosung that he wonders if he's been replaced.

Is change always good, or bad? He's lived most of his life this way; two choices, no in between, but if they choose to tell him to change, he'll ignore them. Life is better when he's in charge, and doesn't have to deal with  _feelings._

But if there is one thing he _does_ know, it's that she's been the cause of most of it.

She treats him almost like a sister would, caring for his needs, reminding him to study, berating him to go to sleep on time. The feeling of belonging is slowly edging it's way out of the darkness, placing itself back into his heart. He's still edgy all the time, though. The others tell him he's being superstitious, but he knows that's not the case. He sometimes wonders if it has to do with her, specifically with the way she's been treating him, because, to tell the truth, some strange part of him doesn't want her to to treat him like a sister; he wants her to treat him... differently.

He tells her this, one day, but to his surprise, she doesn't even sound offended.

"Yoosung, I'm really sorry," she wails. "I was just worried!"

"D-don't worry about it!"

He feels the guilt worming it's way through his abdomen, "It's not your fault!"

"Oh," she says, "okay. I'll treat you like a friend. You know I'm just worried about you, yeah?"

He feels like he's swallowed a tub of butterflies, "Yeah."

And life goes on, in a way. She still reminds him to eat, to take _care of yourself, Yoosung_ , but she's more a friend than ever these days.

But of course, he's never satisfied. He's greedy, and he wants her to be less of a friend, and more of something he can't understand just yet, but something tells him he soon will.

★

It's cold, he realizes blankly. It has been for a while, but he's already unconsciously wrapped himself in layers. Part of him thinks that it's her incessant nagging, but he still feels that sharp stint of jealousy flood his system whenever she reminds someone else to take care of themselves.

**(Yoosung★)**

**Hey, MC?**

**(MC)**

**Yes, Yoosung~?**

**(Yoosung★)**

**Ummm... I'm going to call you.**

**(MC)**

**Okay?**

"Hi," he says shyly, "it's nice to hear your voice."

She giggles over the phone, and he grins. "It's nice to hear you too, Yoosung."

Frowning, he asks, "Do you think I'm mature?"

"Mature?" she questions. "I don't know, but I have to say that even if you aren't, you still have other redeeming qualities."

"But am I?"

"Yoosung, let me tell you something. You may not be  _mature_ in a sense, but you're kind, you're sweet, you always laugh at my jokes and take my side in an argument, and just hearing your voice makes me so happy-"

"Alright, alright!" he laughs. "I'm blushing."

"So am I, you doofus," she giggles. "Goodnight."

"Night MC, sleep well."

He likes talking to her, he realizes. It makes him feel more like him, rather than the shadow he's become accustomed to.

★

Having trouble finding his feelings is hard, he thinks. Leaning up against the sofa, he remembers last night.

_Saeran finds him curled up on his mattress one day, tears staining the cotton grey._

_"Yoosung. What's wrong?" Typical Saeran, Yoosung thinks. Never able to understand how humans work._

_"Why do you care?" He spits the words out like venom, but Saeran doesn't back off. Instead, warm arms wrap around his body and hold him tight._

_"It's okay," he whispers, "just hold onto me."_

_He doesn't stops crying, but his arms wrap around his back, shaky fingers pulling him closer, closer. He doesn't want to say thank you, yet, because for some reason, he feels like he doesn't need to._

_MC's kindness. Saeran's simple understanding. Seven's laughter, his friendship. Jumin's worry, though he doesn't always show it. Jaehee's insight, though they all treat her like their mother rather than the glue that holds them together. Zen's helpful smile, the way he can light up any room._

_He doesn't deserve any of it._

_He's been so cruel, he's pushed them all away like they don't matter, but they do. All of them. They matter._

_He sobs openly into Saeran's chest, face sticky with tears, the taste of salt on his lips. He's never belonged, not really, but somehow he knows that they understand how safe he feels with them._

_So he stays. Just for a little longer._

★

The sad feeling doesn't leave him, but he's been trying, he really has.

MC talks to him one day, grabbing his hand and staring at him with those golden eyes, "Talk to me, _please_."

It amazes him time and time again, the way that she can see right through his lies.

"Okay."

They sit together, quiet as they watch people pass by. "Is something wrong?"

She sounds different, he notices. Less like a doting mother and more like she just cares for him  _because_ he's him.

He has to say, he likes it.

"I guess," he says, "but I don't know what."

She shrugs, turning to smile at him, "That's okay. You don't need to know." The words sting at him, but not in the way that he imagines.

"How do you know?" It's meant to come out as resentful, but instead it sounds broken.

"I can't say that I understand what you're going through, because I  _don't_ , and it's not fair to you to take your suffering and make it mine, but I can say that I'll be standing by you, no matter what, because Yoosung, I," she swallows whatever she was going to say, "I care about you."

His arms are around her before she can move. " _Thank you,_ " he whispers.

"Don't mention it," she says, but he can hear the sadness in her voice.

He smiles, punching her shoulder, "But you know what? Come with me, let's walk around, huh?"

"Yeah," she grins, standing. She drops her arm out, smiling as he wraps his fingers around her own. "Don't act happy for me when you aren't, Yoosung. I'm here for you."

"Okay," is all he says.

She sighs, "Come on, let's go."

★

"The two of them are getting along swimmingly," Jumin remarks as he watches the two of them chase seagulls along the boardwalk.

Zen snorts, "Don't say it like that, it sounds stupid."

"Hyun, lots of things are stupid, you including. Don't tell me what to do," he says, admiring his nails. Zen's face is slowly leeching of color, and Seven, in an attempt to fix the situation, says, "Yeah, they are, aren't they."

"I can't say that I'm not jealous," Jaehee states, frowning, "but aren't they...  _too_ close?"

"They've gotten through much together," Jumin frowns at his assistant.

"They deserve it." Zen is looking out at the horizon, face impassive. 

"Do they?" she asks.

"Of course," Jumin snorts, "they have cared much for each other. She takes care of him when he is sad, he does the same to her. The two of them are the best of friends."

The others members share a look, and she sighs, "Mr. Han, I think that you are missing the point. It is quite obvious that the two of them are in love."

He starts, "Do not say such things that aren't true."

"Jumin," Seven starts, "I get that you don't understand  _love_ , but you do need to at least acknowledge their relationship."

"Oh, come _off_ it," Zen says, finally looking at them. "It's obvious that she doesn't know it, doesn't _understand_ it. Yoosung is denying it, but..."

Seven looks at the two of them, smiling. "They'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"Will they?"

"Shut up and let the moment last."

★

He'd like to lie, but right now, basking under the glow of millions of stars, he can't.

She's laying next to him, hand entwined in his own. When he turn to look at her, he can see the moon reflected in her eyes. She's beautiful, he thinks, but she's not his, so he can't say it.

"Do you ever think there's something out there?" she asks, quietly.

He wonders briefly if she means space, but instead decides, "Something more... for us?"

"Us," she repeats, "yeah."

They smile in quiet silence.

"I wonder," he says, "if maybe Rika felt this peaceful before she left."

She closes her eyes, nodding. "Hmm. She must have. I want to stay like this forever."

He smiles, "Really? Me too."

Giggling quietly, she says, "I like you better like this Yoosung." He makes a quiet sound of questioning in the back of his throat, and she turns to him, cupping his jaw. "You know, when you're smiling and happy... it makes me happy too, you know."

He laughs, only slightly awkwardly, "I'd do anything to make you happy. I'll stay like this."

"Please," she grins, "if only for me."

Everything I do is for you, he thinks, friend or not. "If only for you."

The two stare into the sky for some time, picturing a life filled with happiness. Whenever he imagines it, he pictures her right next to him.

★

He  _definitely_ has a habit of running his mouth.

"Do you like the RFA?" he asks her. It's been some time since the two of them have become close, and he likes how they can talk to easily with each other.

It's an obvious question, with an obvious answer, "Yeah, of course."

"Do you like me?"

"Yeah, Yoosung, why are you asking me?" She sounds nervous, like she's hiding something, and he pounces on it.

"Are you nervous? Did I do something wrong?"

"Yoosung..." Her voice is a warning. She sounds  _scared_ , but when he turns around, he sees the interest in her eyes.

"Yes? No?" He's worried, of course. He's worked too hard for her to like, him, just to be friends. Being friends is enough, he tells himself, because he knows that he's risking everything the moment those three words leave his mouth. "Are we even friends?"

Silence. Then, "Do you think of me as a friend?"

 _Desperate! Desperate!_ His mind screams at him, but he ignores it. 

"Yoosung..." Oh.  _Oh_ , she's only been his friend to pity him! Just when he thought that they were... well friends.

"Forget it, forget I said anything," he murmurs.

"Yoosung... I-I, Yoosung, what I'm trying to say is..." she stutters out her words like they're stuck in her throat.

"I said, forget it," he grinds out.

"Yoosung. No, listen, I've been wanting to say something for a long time, but I didn't know how to say it-" She's probably going to tell him that she hates him,  _she hates him_ \- anger floods through his system. Is he not good enough? Is there something  _wrong_?

" **I said forget it**." She stares at him, eyes wide.

No one speaks for a long time.

"MC," he grabs her shoulders, tears running down his face. She may not like him, but he hates the way that he cares so much about her, no matter what. "I'm so sorry-"

"Leave," she whispers

"What?"

"Leave," she says, voice quiet, "I didn't like it when you yell at me."

"MC, I won't yell again, I promise... Come back, please-" he grabs frantically at her shirt, but instead feels air.

"I..." she says. "I don't know. Leave, please."

He stands, wiping his hands against his cheeks. "Fine. I'm sorry, I really am. I... sorry."

She doesn't say anything when the door closes.

★

The streetlights flicker blankly, and he stops his walk to admire it. Walking in the middle of the street is not smart, and if he were thinking straight, he would have hopped onto the sidewalk immediately, but he's  _tired_.

She's much like it, he supposes. It's almost poetic, the way she smiles. She lights up his heart so easily, with one single glance. He had tried to remember what Seven used to tell him, that "liking someone is  **selfish** " but he should have known that falling so fast and hard would be a difficult ditch to climb out of. Seven is strange, he had thought. Seven doesn't understand love.

He knows now that he was right. It shouldn't come as much of a surprise, in reality, but the thought makes him feel almost  _sick_. He knows that he'd have to like her to have such strong feelings about her, but the bubble of safety that was their friendship was much more reachable than anything afterwards. After Rika's death, feeling slow and sluggish was normal for him, though he hardly worked enough to actually feel anything. With MC, life had been renewed. He felt as if he had a spring in his step, as if he had someone who cared about him, who watched him. She had pushed him unknowingly over the edge, and that had been his mistake. Trust was easily given out, but not so easily obtained once it was lost, he thinks.

His feelings for her are complicated, but he understands them, to a point. In fact, he's understood for some time now. He's in love with her, deeply so. If there are soulmates, she's his. If there is anything in his path to her, he would still push past. Or at least, that was what he would have done. Seven's prediction came true, he thinks as he stares at the streetlight; but he knew that Seven was always right, so why did he pursue it? He loved her too much, and it clouded him, in a way. He's able to see where he went wrong, but he's trying, trying so hard to fix it, or at least he is in his mind.

The streetlight flickers with a  _tic tic_ and he looks up in recognition. Lights flash brightly behind him, and he turns around with a gasp.

"What..." he asks, but the headlights are coming too fast, he's pushing himself off it's course too slow.

 _"I care about you,"_ she says.

He's falling into nothing.

★

"What's wrong?" she asks, grabbing her hair and pulling it back into a ponytail. "Did I miss something on the chat?"

"No," Seven says, quite seriously. It's strange for his character, and she's interested instantly.

"Seven? What's wrong?'

"Have you seen Yoosung?" he asks.

"No," she ponders, "but we did get into a fight... maybe and hour ago. I... I wasn't think and I didn't think I could hide it anymore and I told him to leave." She grabs the bobby pin out of his mouth and pries it open with her fingernails.

"MC," he says, "this is serious. He... I don't know how to tell you this, but..."

She pulls her phone to her ear, "Seven? Seven, what's happened?"

"There's... there's been an accident."

The hairtie snaps into half.

"Seven, where is he? I... I need to see him. Is he alright?!?" she breathes.

There's a shaky breath before, "At SKY University Hospital. And... I don't know."

She doesn't think she's ever driven so fast in her entire life.

★

"Where is he?" she yelps, stumbling into the hallway. Jaehee grabs her shoulders to steady her.

"He's in recovery," Jumin says, bored. "I believe that he is fine."

She doesn't question his tone; they all know that Jumin dealt with grief by shutting everyone out. She turns to Jaehee, "Is he?"

She taps her fingers against the wall, "He may need to be in special care for some time, but he's woken up."

Zen smiles, "You really were worried? Yoosung is smart, he... wouldn't  _die_ on us right?"

She frowns, "But, but... he was?"

"Hit by a car," Jumin informs her. "Managed to swerve out of the way, barely grazed him. Took a nasty fall of the concrete, though. Broke his arm."

"Ouch," she murmurs. "Can I see him?"

Seven snorts, "Of course you can, if you want to run through the security forces alone."

"Damn."

"Wait here," Zen says, "you can go first."

"Alright," she says. "I'll wait."

★

It's around two in the morning when the nurse arrives. The others are asleep, Jumin draped over Zen's arm, Seven drooling onto Jaehee's shoes. She's been up most of the night, thinking.

She's tried to hide it, tried to pretend that she was okay with a friendship, but she was never good at acting, and Seven can see right through her. She's known for some time, that she doesn't just  _like_ the way he grins at her over a cup of coffee, that she  _loves_ the way he smiles at her, she  _loves_ how he cares about her so deeply. She's never tried to deny it, just attempted to hide it, but now it's all spilling out.

Yoosung is waiting for her, his left arm covered in swaths of cloth.

"Ouch," she grins weakly. "Must hurt."

"Yeah," he coughs. "Listen, I am so, so sorry about how I yelled at you, and please, give me the chance to be your friend again-" The word 'friend' makes her want to run and hide. She was wrong to have feelings for someone who protected her so selflessly.

"Don't act like it's your fault. I was scared, and I didn't think you'd accept me. You're in the hospital ward, worrying about me, while I was worried  _sick_ about you-"

"You were worried about me?" he asks, meekly.

"Fuck," she hisses, " _so_ _worried._ I care about you so much, Yoosung. I  _love_ you so much, I-"

"Wait," he says, eyes wide, and she winces. "You love me?"

"Of course!" she cries. "I... I was afraid that you didn't love me, and I felt that I couldn't hold it back. I love all your jokes, I love how you bleach your hair on a schedule, I love how organised you are, even though you don't show it. I love your eyes, your hair, I love how you blush whenever I say something remotely romantic. I love you."

Yoosung smiles, cheeks red. "Wow."

"Yeah," she laughs. "Sorry. I understand if this ruins our friendship." She stands up, walking towards the door."

"Can I kiss you?"

"What?" She turns around, grinning.

"Can I kiss you?"

She laughs, pushing herself into his arms in an almost-hug, "Of  _fucking_ course, Yoosung Kim."

His lips are soft on hers, uncertain. Gentle, careful, she pulls herself up to meet him, wrapping her arms around his back and  _hugging_ him tight. She never wants to let go, ever, ever. Her tears slip onto her cheeks, and she tastes the salt on their smiles. They pull back with a sigh, and she tugs him closer.

"I love you," he whispers into her cheek, and she giggles.

"Awww, same."

He laughs. "Stay with me?" he asks, pulling back his blanket to allow her to settle next to him.

"Always."

 


End file.
